（ do you like that work? the question hits him harder than it should, if for no reason other than the fact that no one else has ever asked it of him before. physically, the only reaction is a slight start that could just as easily be explained away by the fact he just walked into a spiderweb that he bats aside, but mentally his mind is racing.
he is what he is. he wouldn't change that now. a melting pot of impossible things, quincy, hollow, shinigami, fullbring — he shouldn't exist, but does. he'd thought, after those long months in the dangai, after aizen, after having his powers ripped away that maybe he could just be normal. that he'd see rukia and renji and the others in the afterlife, and that would be enough for him.
but he remembers how fucking empty he felt, watching her fade. how awful those long months were, watching his friends come to school beaten and battle scarred in a war he could no longer participate in. he remembers training in his old dojo until his hands bled, until he'd fractured his knuckles so many times he barely felt the pain, how time blurred together. how the crumbs of hope meeting xcution had driven him to push himself harder and longer than anything he'd done before, a desperate bid to just be useful, be useful.
he needs to be what he is so he can protect his family. his friends. it goes beyond karakura now, beyond seireitei. hueco mundo is his place, too. the remaining arrancar his allies. the remaining quincy his family. it would be selfish, to just wish it all away, because someone else would step up. they'd have to, because he had to. and he can't put that on someone else. who'd do it? rukia? ishida? chad? karin, like him, sees ghosts. does that mean in another few years it's going to be her hand on a sword? he could never be that cowardly.
but does he like what he does?
no, he realizes.
he opens his mouth, closes it again. finally: ）
I like being strong.
（ it's a moment of breath-taking honesty, and he's too wearied by the sentiment to care what she takes away from what he says. what she says about her friends mostly just slips through his fingers, the sudden darkened miasma of his mind, but he pays it enough attention to answer that, too. ）
They're a two. And you should tell your captain not to steal — who knows what the consequences are if they get caught? I can get him whatever he wants.
（ presumptuous, given that the guy clearly has more friends in this place than ichigo does, but he can't not offer. ）
no subject
he is what he is. he wouldn't change that now. a melting pot of impossible things, quincy, hollow, shinigami, fullbring — he shouldn't exist, but does. he'd thought, after those long months in the dangai, after aizen, after having his powers ripped away that maybe he could just be normal. that he'd see rukia and renji and the others in the afterlife, and that would be enough for him.
but he remembers how fucking empty he felt, watching her fade. how awful those long months were, watching his friends come to school beaten and battle scarred in a war he could no longer participate in. he remembers training in his old dojo until his hands bled, until he'd fractured his knuckles so many times he barely felt the pain, how time blurred together. how the crumbs of hope meeting xcution had driven him to push himself harder and longer than anything he'd done before, a desperate bid to just be useful, be useful.
he needs to be what he is so he can protect his family. his friends. it goes beyond karakura now, beyond seireitei. hueco mundo is his place, too. the remaining arrancar his allies. the remaining quincy his family. it would be selfish, to just wish it all away, because someone else would step up. they'd have to, because he had to. and he can't put that on someone else. who'd do it? rukia? ishida? chad? karin, like him, sees ghosts. does that mean in another few years it's going to be her hand on a sword? he could never be that cowardly.
but does he like what he does?
no, he realizes.
he opens his mouth, closes it again. finally: ）
I like being strong.
（ it's a moment of breath-taking honesty, and he's too wearied by the sentiment to care what she takes away from what he says. what she says about her friends mostly just slips through his fingers, the sudden darkened miasma of his mind, but he pays it enough attention to answer that, too. ）
They're a two. And you should tell your captain not to steal — who knows what the consequences are if they get caught? I can get him whatever he wants.
（ presumptuous, given that the guy clearly has more friends in this place than ichigo does, but he can't not offer. ）